«And is that the treacherous world»
There is nothing truth or lie;
everything is according to the color
the glass that is regarded».
Ramón de Campoamor. Spanish poet (1817-1901)
The 9 may of the 2001 My son mark was born. It weighed 1 kilo and 345 grams. It was of a "great premature", and it came with an unexpected surprise: diagnosed with West syndrome, a rare disease that affects one of every 10.000 children, and consisting of epileptic seizures that cause severe brain damage.
Naturally nobody is prepared for this lottery of life, because you misfortune them always they happen to others and never to self.
At the time of writing these lines mark has 12 years, It suffers from cerebral palsy as a result of epilepsy, is heavily medicated, do not walk or talk and is not going to do it never, due to the brain injury that was born.
But this is the sad part, and I don't want to miss this, Dear reader. The cheerful part is that I've learned the most valuable lessons of my life thanks to Marcos, and I would like to share them with you.
Paraphrasing Mario Benedetti: «When we thought that we had all the answers, suddenly, they changed all the questions».
When a disaster happens to us in life we tend, in an almost automatic mode, to ask ourselves "why to my?"?”. This is a question unanswered, that makes us suffer unnecessarily.
The solution is not in search for an answer; is to change the question. Rather than ask "what to my?"?”, Let's change the question for "what can I learn from this that has happened?”.
And is that when there is what there is, There is what you need. I think that this is the main teaching that Marcos has left to us, and believe me when I tell you that I repeat I constantly.
The facts do not change; they are those who are, and also there is nothing that is in our hands who can modify them. The past cannot be changed.
A visit in Jerusalem man observes another prays facing the Western Wall.
-What makes good man?
-Because here praying.
- And why reza?
-Prayer for peace in the world, by rulers to stop telling lies, and by men, Finally, Let's forget our differences.
-Do and how long it takes so?
-And how they feel??
-As if you were speaking to a wall.
Try to change the facts is like talking to a wall: it consumes us energy and does not fix anything.
The next thing I learned was to not obsess me with the future.
When you have a disabled child that depends on 100 percent you can not help ask yourself "what will happen when we're not to take care of you?”, "And when to weigh more, can we with him?”, "Do we need to move house?”, or "do we pay all the expenses thus causing a child?”.
And the answer to all these questions is: When you pass what I have to go now I'm me. This does not mean that we do not anticipate a future. Of course that should save and anticipate future needs, But if there is something that I've learned is that you become obsessed with the future you haunts unnecessarily, because most of the time to anticipate problems that then never happen.
You never lose the sense of humor and laugh at problems rather than problems laugh you.
I am dedicated to making people laugh and this is exactly what I decided to do with my son's disease from the first minute. Laugh at the problem and not let that you could be with me.
As incredible as it seems always there is a positive reading: If you want to be happy it helps others.
One of the great advantages of help to others is that you learn to relativize; you always realize that there are people that're worse than having your, do not complain so much, and that puts you in your place.
When Marcos was diagnosed I won't deny that we were crying time, but before a month were already in contact with the West Syndrome Foundation, putting a hand in all their events, intending to raise money and help the families who most need it. I think that if you do well in life your obligation is to return him to the society.
As Monty Python said: «Always look on the bright side of life» («Always see the positive side of life»).